kiyala | you won't disappoint me; I can do that myself

I realised today that I feel worse about dropping out of big bangs than I do about cancelling plans with friends (or friends cancelling plans with me) - I guess I use my word count and the fleeting sense of achievement as a measurement of my worth, rather than whether or not people actually like me as a person.

And the thing is, people liking my writing is just… a bonus? So it's not exactly one of those things where strangers' approval outweighs the approval of people you're familiar with (which is always the case, thanks social psychology).

The harder I think about it, the more confusing it gets, though. I guess my point is that I like writing and I don't really like people, which I'm sure comes as a huge shock to everyone.

And I've developed the habit of committing to things without actually 100% intending to follow through with all of them, the way I used to? I don't know. Maybe this is a PSA.